Wednesday, August 09, 2006

one's worth

by: wildone christian a. ibanez

please clarify and satisfy this curiousity im just asking why your treatment to me is so diffrent i see what am i to you please answer so true i just cant trust my own senses cant seem to find the reason of my essence to you for you i cant seem to comprehend why am i like this for you to you (why....) please answer so true (so true....) this thing that we have is it real or is it nothing will it remain or just be forgotten tell me how am i supposed to react to you what feelings can i send to you

Posted by obito_fisthammer at 8/09/2006 08:24:00 AM

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

a memory's grave

by: wildone christian a. ibanez

as i walk over
your memory's grave
i remember your face
with every step i take
the voice that whispers
suddenly becomes clear
its was your voice
that whispers in my ear
as i sit
on this sodden ground
still wet with tears
as i look around
the blue skies
that woke me up
still colored in black
it hasnt comed back
as the rain
suddenly pours
on the memory lane
i was given a tour
moments of you laughing
moments of us talking
your beautiful eyes shinning
i still see them
when im sleeping
so i look down
upon your memory;s grave
remembered all the things
i had and gave
ill light a candle
with flowers along
ill open my eyes
as i say so long

Posted by obito_fisthammer at 8/02/2006 07:55:00 AM

Sunday, July 30, 2006

hate beyond comprehension

its not your fault
i feel this way
this weight
i bear all along
while im
all alone
all alone

i must hate you
if its the only way
to forget you
cause its the only way
to forget
that i love you
i must make
this sacrifice
just to forget
that look in your eyes
that look in your eyes
that made me fall
for you
for you

even if its wrong
even if its againts
what i really feel
i must do this for you
cause youre
with him now
with him now

please do something
to hurt me
please come on
and hurt me
just to make it easy
make it easy for me
to hate you
hate you
my dear love

Posted by obito_fisthammer at 7/30/2006 07:51:00 AM

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

i was and im still....

this heart was torn
this heart is till bleeding
yet it still beats on
the sound of your name

im still hurting cause of you
yet im still loving you
have i really fallen (fallen)
that deep into you (you)

he now has and owns you
im left here with nothing else
just pure pain and sadness
eternal tears and loneliness

you didnt mean to hurt me
(didnt mean to)
and i love you just the same
(love you still)

sit here and try to hate you
(but still i look at your picture)
still drowning in your memories
(your name plastered on my heart)
will i ever hear your voice
(or hear you laugh)
will i ever see your eyes
(will they ever look at me)

do i have the right
for this pain
do this tears
have permission
is missing you
ok
is this feeling
allowed

Posted by obito_fisthammer at 7/26/2006 07:13:00 AM

Monday, July 10, 2006

convince yourself

by: wildone christian a. ibanez

the sun has come down
as i sit here in pain
deep in my thoughts
i still see you
as i force myself
to accept that
there will never be
an us
my heart is in pain
but the feeling of love
still resides
should i cut myself
to better feel the pain
bleed myself
just to numb the feeling
of sadness
bury this love
that i have for you
just to make myself realize
that youre never gonna be mine
never will be mine

Posted by obito_fisthammer at 7/10/2006 05:49:00 AM

Thursday, July 06, 2006

happy birthday to me..

32 minutes
by:wildone christian a. ibanez

its 1:09 am
the 6th day of july
just lying here on my bed
tears silently pouring
out my eyes
cant sleep thinking
bout you and him
and how it came to be
hitted me like
like a runaway bus
without knowing its coming
forcing myself
to believe the reality
that there will never be
a you and me
drowning myself with scenes
of our short lived acquaintance
the dream of being with you
faded with the hope
of a chance on you
a heart is grieving tonight
as a silent orchestra
of sadness
plays a mourning tune
of heartbreak and loneliness
shatters the esence
of happines
with the last note played
later as the sun sets upon me
this heavy feeling for you lingers
knowing it will haunt me
brings shadows
across my path
obscuring the sight of tomorrow
that i am the one
who would be with you
from today everything will be diffrent
with you
knowing he has you
and that youll never be a part of me
has come
its 1:41 am
the 6th day of july
im still awake
writing this piece of grief
seeping out of me
grief that engulfs me in darkness
i know will be with me
for sometime

its entitled 32 minutes, coz basically i wrote it in 32 minutes literallly while i lie on my bed fiddling with my phone where i stored this poem, while silently crying.

wow its my birthday got a year older but still i feel younger that my age says. still on the pace of fixing my life and getting it back on the right track. got a work, well just a stock man for surplus shop at SM cubao. not that flashy also way of my course (information technology) but still im enjoying work. my band's not making progress coz were all busy working and studying, but still i aint quitting. lifes been good since feb. got many good things happening after that. but the most was when i met "lady"

she was a perfect example of one thing that youll really want to have in your life. good natured, shes a bit liberated though but still shes fine in her own way. met her via friendster and her online diary. it was a bliss when i have chances of talking to her. even though i was way out of her league. i fell in love with her, for the second time, i fell because of her eyes, third time i fell for another person who has "anne" in her name. i fell for her, every minute that passed by i fell much deeper into her. i tried to stop myself from falling but you just cant really stop love form eating you. i told her twice, but i didnt expect that much that shes gonna pay attention, i knew i was just a passer by to her. i was just an online friend, nothing more. it was just yesterday that i found out the big news for me. shes has someone already. shes in vacation in town, i was really glad that shes here, but after what i found out, life was drained from me. but i have to move on, for myself. it was a dream knowing her and im thankful for that chance. but its over for me now.

a nice gift for me...... sadness again

Posted by obito_fisthammer at 7/06/2006 08:23:00 PM

Friday, June 30, 2006

lamentation of nonenity

by:wildone christian a. ibañez

oh catch me as i fall
embrace me
as i break down in tears
oh please take
this pain away
and teach me
how to live again
as your presence
holds my sanity
youre my blissful
sanctuary
single soul
that keeps me from falter
calms the storm
that breaks me apart
inside out
be with me as i walk
through this life
hold my hand
inspire my thoughts
please be by my side
always

*again wrote it while on a lunch break